Tuesday, April 16, 2013

do not harden your hearts


When I look into this face- I see my future. I see my life and the little person who that life revolves around. I see him experiencing the joy running barefoot on grass, learning to say "momma" and walking into his kindergarten classroom, oversized backpack in tow. That face causes me to melt into a mommy puddle on the floor, and it also makes me jump into serious "would-do-anything-to-keep-you-safe" mode. Literally- the second I met the smallest man to steal my heart I knew my life would never be the same and that I would put myself in the most dangerous situation just to keep him out of it. Now, for me, thats a big deal. I am pretty scared of...well..everything. Elevators, bridges, rollercoasters, planes, grizzly men in trench coats, etc. But- when it comes to my sweet Henry- I would take an elevator to the top of a bridge and live there next to a man in a trench coat if it meant keeping him safe.

Last night, as my husband and I were catching up on the overwhelmingly shocking bombings in Boston, I told him that I now question whether I want to go to big, crowded places such as parades, the Super Bowl, even Disney Land. And what he said was so true. He told me: "then they win." How obvious. Looking at the pictures of the women crying, men carrying little kids to an ambulance, and people desperately seeking out their friends, I realize this is the reaction they wanted. The sadness. The future fears. The realization that we aren't as safe as we believe. I don't want them to win- to give them that hold on my life.

When Henry gets older and we experience our safety being compromised, I pray that I can talk to him about not giving the reaction these terrible people want. I know there is fear- but what I mean is the future worries. The strongholds that can be placed on our hearts when we are scared. I pray I can help him learn to see the good in the horribly ugly: people helping carry others to safety after having just run a marathon. Those putting their address on the internet for all the world to see so that people can seek solace and comfort in a home. I pray his heart would not be hardened and untrusting- but that he would still reach out to others and love with all he has- fearful or not.

My heart breaks for our country and the happenings in this world. If I allow it- the fear can be overwhelming and paralyzing. But- Its not about just me anymore. Its about teaching my son to see the world as a place to love on others and opening his heart to what life has to offer. To not give in to the fear that can bear down on a heart, not allowing it to flourish in the way God has intended. To live his life as a boy who has placed his heart in the hands of Jesus and trusting enough to be a light in a dark, dark world.