My heart is feeling overly heavy the last few weeks. Like drowning in the sorrow and hurt around me is not far off. It sounds uber dramatic- I'm fully aware- but its the truth that my heart feels right now. Long ago during our Young Life Bible study years, we were told to expose the lies our hearts have been told over and over, and combat them with the truth about why the Lord has created us that way. I will always remember the lie I wrote down, simply because its something I have fought and still feel weighed down by in my adult years:
I am too much. Too much to handle. Too much to love. Too much to understand.
I wrote that down with the unfortunate confidence that this truth has taken over my heart. I will always remember what my best friend said when she peeked over and saw my card:
"Linds, you aren't too much- you just care a lot."
Its been an ongoing joke the last ten years, but the truth is that my heart carries the weight and heaviness of those around me. And honestly- thats something I am okay with. I wish there was no sadness or brokenness, but since there is- I am glad to carry those burdens so that I may share the load with those I love. And this past month I wish I could take that load fully and carry it on my own. With pain, suffering, sadness and broken hearts all around me, I want nothing more than to absorb that hurt to free these loved ones.
My heart is burdened. My heart is saddened. My heart is trying to find answers. But most of all, my heart is prayerful.
