The reason this all came about was because I had a person very close to me hurt my heart this weekend. As I was so overjoyed with celebrating my sweet little boy, this person brought me down to a place where I felt bad about who I was unnecessarily. I have struggled with not feeling good enough for people for a long time. It draws me into a place where I second guess, get stuck in my head, and can't relax in my relationships. It has been a true struggle for me and something I have long tried to overcome. This person doesn't know this about me and therefore flung words with zero understanding of how they would hit my heart. I spent the weekend sulking, angry for the way I felt and why I knew they were wrong. It affected my day that was meant to celebrate my son and in a way that truly angered me. I felt myself in the same place of feeling like just because I heard the words she said, it somehow meant I had to accept them as truth.
This morning as I was driving my crying boy to Grammys (he was truly only comforted if I reached in the backseat and let him snuggle with my hand against his forehead.. It was so cute that I just drive one handed the whole way!) a song came on. I was strolling through the stations and landed on this one by chance and heard a song I hadn't heard in years- Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. It spoke to my heart in a way I truly needed.
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
So thats what I'm doing today. Listening to the voice of Truth. Not those spoken unknowingly or with tongues of fire. Letting myself rest in that truth and find comfort in who HE knows I am.
So thankful for that.