love this big

Sometimes I have a really hard time putting my little man to sleep. There are definitely nights when I breathe a sigh of relief when he finally closes his eyes and settles into a good sleep, but tonight isn't one of those nights. Tonight I feel lonely. Not the "need-a-friend-to-keep-me-company" lonely- but the kind where I feel like something is missing. And it is. My boy is missing from my arms. My new best friend who smiles at me, laughs with me, goes almost everywhere I do. We are constantly chatting, discussing the meaning of life, looking into each other's eyes while someone drools way too much. On the few precious nights when he is just so tired he falls asleep in my arms I think to myself "ok- in 2 more minutes I'll set him down." But two minutes goes too fast, so I settle for four. And I put him in his crib, that he still seems way too small for, and I leave. Only to immediately turn on the video monitor and watch his sweet self smile his way into a dream state. I think it is a pretty beautiful gift that God gave us this much love for our children. That he gave our hearts the ability to grow so much bigger with love for our babies, and to feel that overflow even at 2 am when that sweet child wakes you with his little cooing. My heart feels so full tonight.