Everyone tells you that once you have a baby everything changes. They are right- you get less sleep, darker bags under your eyes, and date night changes from dinner and a movie out to whispering in bed before falling asleep by 9. Not all changes are bad. I have had more joy in my days in the last 6 months than I ever have before. After the initial "oh my- its too early to be awake," I look into my smiling baby's morning eyes and wonder what the day will hold. Will he learn to crawl today? Will he perfect his posture while sitting and chewing on a toy? Will he capture my heart with his belly laugh while I spend a good 1/2 hour making faces and silly noises? Man, I love this kid. But- the downside of this love is the immense fear that comes along with it. I hear the news reports of babies being shot in Chicago, parents that lose their cool and shake their little newborn, and yes- the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting that left me paralyzed with fear for weeks. No one tells you about that part. They don't say that you hold your breath every time you walk out the door without them or that you'll spend the first 3 months of their life watching them as they sleep to make sure their breaths are even. And they don't tell you how much deeper your love can go- how the moment you see this little face you know full well that you would take a bullet for this stranger you met only seconds before. Oh this little man. I suppose the fear is worth the incredible love that comes along with it.
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